hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
