My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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