im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I AM VODKA MAN
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
