My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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