im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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