Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
