good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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