he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
