you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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