he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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