you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
