Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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