I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
