I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I can text with my tongue
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
