i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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