The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
