Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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