my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
