the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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