Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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