Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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