hotel room ftw
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
where are my eyebrows?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
