I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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