but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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