Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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