if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
