Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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