And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I wish there were birth control emojis
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
