I think I died a long time ago.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
