I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
