I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
