I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
