I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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