i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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