it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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