So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
