Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we're making bets on your personal life
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
