he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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