so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Screwed.edu
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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