I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
