i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
