Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
