I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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