why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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