Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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