Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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