4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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