I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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