You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I touched a dick in church today
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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