I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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