There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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