Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
