If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
