I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
