i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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