i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
