Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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