ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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