I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
