Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
