Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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