Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
