It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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