fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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