Christians are straight up FREAKS
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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