he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
