like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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