It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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