So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize