You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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