How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
