Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
